It Finally Happened...

...I BROKE DOWN AND CRIED TONIGHT!!! This wonderful embarrassment took place IN THE ACCOUNTING LAB, OF ALL PLACES!!! I completely lost it and just cried and cried. Tears would not stop streaming down my face. The fact that I'm even posting about this is embarrassing. I am so overwhelmed, taking 18 credits, and feel like I'm the only one going through this right now. Luckily, this is the only time I lost control of my emotions. I've really tried to see the good in things and be happy, but not tonight. My friend Alex was sitting next to me and he put his hand on my back, I'm sure to let me know he knew I was crying, and also to let me know he cared. It was very sweet. People starred and I didn't care. THE REASON I CRIED? I really don't know the real reason, probably a lot of things in general, but I had just spent over 2 hours on an assignment that I did NOT need to do. I was so proud of myself for how far I got from working on it alone, and then when I went to the accounting lab for tutoring, I found out only then that I wasn't required to do that part. I could feel the tears coming and I tried so very hard to hold them back. It didn't work. I wanted to call my Mom and just cry and talk to her, but it was midnight in Arizona so I couldn't call. I can feel knots the size of bouncy balls all over my back from being stressed out and hunched over a computer all day. It's unbearable pain. I feel like I pray 24/7 and sometimes I feel like my prayers are not being answered. Maybe I'm not praying for the right thing. I have 30 days left, just under 3 weeks of school and then I take finals. It's really close, but I have so much to do. Where does the time go? Who goes to school in Hawaii and stays in the library all day? ME! Everyone says, "Oh, you're SO LUCKY going to school in Hawaii, it must be beautiful over there!" Ha! Well, I wouldn't know because I'm on campus all day trying to figure out why dumb income statements and balance sheets don't balance. I'm really not trying to complain, I just need to vent. Alyssa asked me today if she could quote me in the school newspaper. I said yes, of course. Her question? "What are you grateful for?" I asked if I could give 2 answers and she said yes. I said I was very grateful for the family that I have and for the opportunity I've had to attend BYU Hawaii to gain an education. I have felt so blessed to be here. I have met so many cool people and have made great friends. I really don't want that part of it to end because I know I'll lose touch with a lot of people, just like when you graduate high school, and you don't see anyone for years, if ever. And that makes me really sad. So I want to take this opportunity to publicly thank my Father in Heaven for the opportunity I've had to attend school in Hawaii at Brigham Young University - Hawaii. I don't know why I got in, but I did and I'm so glad I moved away from home and had the chance to go to school here and finish my college education. I will never forget the feeling I felt when I went to school for the first day. I had statistics and I was asking students if they could tell me where my classroom was. I didn't know a single soul here, except for Brian Golladay and he had a girlfriend and we never hung out, so I felt alone. The first couple of months were really rough and it got to the point where I wanted to go home. My Mom told me to get on my knees and pray and ask for help. I did and I decided to stay. I'm so glad I didn't go home. Life will never be the same and I will always have a special place in my heart for this school and the memories I've made. I feel so blessed.