M+L+B+P: Moments with Brielle

The other day Mike asked me why I don't blog anymore. My reply was "good question". I started thinking of all of the reasons why I can't blog and then I remembered it's like a journal for me so I told him I would try my best to start back up again. I feel terrible the last time I blogged was when I was pregnant with Brielle, our first daughter, who is now 20 months. Whoever made up the saying "time flies" was genius.

Our sweet Brielle is such a daddy's girl. At times my feelings have gotten hurt when she wants Mike over me, which is probably 99.9% of the time, but I have loved watching their relationship grow and I hope she will always be close to Mike. I'm very close to my Dad and look up to him in so many ways and I want Brielle to feel about her Dad the same way I do mine. And while I want that, I want her to want me too! :)

After Parker's birth, our second daughter born just two months ago, I had some complications that put me back in the hospital twice within 2 weeks of her birth. It was quite scary and I had some spiritual experiences that made me realize life is short and my husband and children are the reason I breathe. So I've tried really hard to sit back and enjoy every moment with them, good and bad. Some days are harder than others but the key word is "try".

I'm on maternity leave until the middle of August so I've been able to stay home with my girls and have literally loved every minute of it. Even the chaotic days. After Brielle, I was ready to go back to work. As much as I loved being a mother, I enjoyed working also. After Parker, I don't want to go back. I don't know if it's because I have two now or what but I've been feeling guilty for days about going back. Unfortunately it's what's best for our family at this time.

I must say I have nothing against working mothers. My own mother worked my entire childhood and not only did I have {and still do} a great relationship with her, I felt she was involved in my life and was always there for me even though she was never a stay-at-home-mom. Each family should do what's best for them. However, my maternity leave has allowed my relationship with Brielle to grow in ways I know it wouldn't have or might have taken longer had I been working. I truly believe that.I feel like we have a bond that we've never had before. I feel like Mike! ;) Just the other day I was telling Mike some things Brielle did throughout the day and he seemed surprised, like he had never seen her do what I was telling him, and I felt like our roles were reversed. It was a good feeling and it made me happy that I got to experience her learning something new for the first time rather than being at work and having Mike call and tell me. Simple things...like how she shoves her bib down against her shirt so it's underneath her high chair tray in order to prevent food from falling on her clothes, or how we play the "kissing game" and when I say "my turn" I give her long kisses on each cheek and when I say "your turn" it's her turn to kiss me {and we laugh the entire time}, or how she pointed to the pantry and yelled and when I asked her what she wanted she pointed and said "dis" for "this" {fruit snacks}. It's EXCITING to share these things with Mike and it's EVEN MORE EXCITING to witness it!!

Lately Brielle will randomly run up to me and throw her arms around my legs and kiss my crotch. It cracks me up because she doesn't know what she's kissing, it's just her height level. Throughout the day she will randomly blow kisses at Parker and I without being asked. She's a great eater and will eat all of her fruit and vegetables before the main meal even if it's chicken nuggets or Mac N Cheese, which are some current favorites. Nap time and bedtime routine include a kiss on the lips before the bink, blowing a kiss, and what I call the "Hitler wave" {you have to see her do it and you will think the same}. We say prayers every night before bed and she will fold her arms but not bow her head or close her eyes or say "amen", still workin' on that! Sometimes when she sees Parker she will gasp and point and say "Pa-Pa". It's the cutest thing E.V.E.R. She takes her shoes off EVERY TIME we get in the car and in between EVERY errand we run. Drives me crazy! :) Just recently she started holding on to the side of shopping carts rather than sitting in the front and being buckled in. A few times when I'm nursing Parker she will back up to me and rest her arm on my leg and watch TV. She will also lay down on her elephant chair and rest her leg on her knee while watching TV. You better never leave your QT cup alone or it'll be gone in 2 seconds :) She insists on slapping the wall to turn any light switch on. I've been trying to teach her to say "please" and "thank you" but she says "lease" for "please" and nods her head for "thank you". Anytime I turn on the shower she wants to join me. Her arm reach is incredible! Things I've put up high always end up in her tiny little hands. Last week {07/21/14} she was yelling for Mike "dad, dad, dad, dad" about 20 times at the top of the stairs and I kept telling her he was at work but she went all the way down stairs just to make sure and then ran back upstairs and into my room and yelled "MOM!" and then started speaking her Chinese as we like to call it. I would like to think she was telling me "you were right mom, he's not here". I've heard "mama" a few times but NEVER "mom" and it totally made my day! Today {07/29/14}, Parker was crying while I was changing her diaper and getting her dressed and Brielle came and laid next to her and held her hand {I'm crying as I type this}. I know it may not seem like these big grand things but they mean a lot to me because I WITNESSED it and it has made me enjoy motherhood even more.

As much as I'm freaking out that I have two girls 18 months apart, I love it. There are many hard days but they grow so fast and the days I want to pull my hair out are still worth it.

I love my Brielle.